A Supernatural Q&A
by TheGryfter
Summary: Dean is bored, and decides to answer an email questionnaire. That simple. All for fun.
1. Prologue

**A/N: **As some who've read my stories might have noticed, I haven't touched on Supernatural except for that silly little soap opera fic. It's strange, considering Supernatural's my favourite show. The reason is, I can't write Supernatural unless it's funny. If I get heavy with those characters, I don't know where I'll end up. I've gotten heavy enough in my Smallville fics - hell, I've killed Clark twice - but Supernatural's different. it's scary. Maybe after the ash has settled on season 5. We'll see...

Anyway, I went back to silly for this. It's Dean and an email questionnaire - nuff said!

Big shout out and props to Darth Wasabi! This was her idea and she rocked it first!

Anyway, it was fun, and I'll keep going with the other characters.

Enjoy, and review if you even giggle...

* * *

~*~

…**a supernatural q&a…**

~*~

* * *

~*~

…**prologue – dean is bored…**

~*~

Dean didn't really know why he felt compelled to do it.

It was a combination of factors, he supposed. Ranging from several recent concussions, to boredom, to the feeling that it was all just getting a bit much recently.

The Apocalypse, hunting the Horsemen, the constant threat of an Archangel using him as a play toy… Dean was just sick of it.

He needed some relief. Something to get his mind off things.

Usually, that would send him hunting for the nearest bar in the hope that one of the cute waitresses was either, a) drunk, or… b) dumb enough to swallow, um… a line.

That wasn't an option on this particular afternoon.

Sam had the car. He was currently at the local library researching a spat of bizarre ritual murders. Dean was of the opinion that it wasn't anything supernatural at all – just the locals getting antsy with all the extra 'doom and gloom' going around.

This was the Apocalypse, after all. People were bound to get crazy.

The motel room he was in did have pay-per-view. Unfortunately, Dean had already seen every episode of _Casa Erotica_ they had available. That was the downside to spending your life in slightly differing versions of the same motel. He blamed his father, really. Dean had been hooked on the sexy series from the minute he cottoned on to what credit card fraud was – which is to say, around 12.

That left Sam's computer.

Sam hadn't taken it along, insisting he would use the computers at the library, in the vain hope that Dean would bother to do some research on his own.

Fat chance!

Dean flipped the laptop open and hooked up to the internet.

On a whim, he decided to check his email. Sam had signed him up for a free account a couple of years ago. Dean didn't know why, since he never bothered to email anybody.

When the page loaded, Dean was surprised to find that his inbox boasted 313 new messages.

"How the hell…?"

Nobody had this address, apart from a few people – none of whom were likely to send him… Dean peered closer to the screen… invitations to build a virtual aquarium.

Dean shook his head. Some people needed lives. Desperately.

How did they get his email address?

He started scrolling through messages at random, until one caught his eye. It was what Sam had called 'spam', for sure. To Dean, spam was still something you ate. Sam had laughed at the notion, and showed him the kind of spam wafting around the internet these days. Dean didn't want thoughts about ads for penis enlargers and 'something to eat' in the same zip code and had sworn off the internet forever.

Until today.

When the boredom kicked in.

It was a questionnaire, the type that friends supposedly send each other in the fruitless quest to discover something new about the people in their lives.

It looked stupid.

Perfect.

.

.

.


	2. Dean

~*~

…**dean…**

~*~

*****

**To:** Er… everyone.  
**CC:** Jerk hottiemail. com - (Screw you, Sammy!)  
**Bcc: **What? This like a trick? Bccdddeee kinda thing?  
**Subject:** I'm bored! Gimme a break!

* * *

Read this... then copy it and send it to all your friends!!  
And then back to me…

* * *

TELL US ABOUT YOU

**What time is it?**: 3.30pm – almost time for dinner

**Name:** Dean Winchester. No middle name. We don't do those.

**Nicknames:** Sexy. Baby. Honey. Bad Boy. What girls call me counts, right? Oh, and if Sam had his way… jerk.

**Parent's names:** John and Mary Winchester. That's the last time we gotta talk about them, I hope.

**Number of candles that appeared on your last birthday cake:** 30. It's the new 18! The way I do it anyway!

**Date that you regularly blow them out (birthday):** Never had a birthday cake. Now, birthday shots…

**Pets:** Never had one. My brother and I caught a turkey once, but that doesn't count. You're not supposed to open up a shotgun on your pets in the middle of the kitchen.

**Height:** 6'0" – What? I am!

**Eye color:** Hold on… lemme check. Can't tell.

**Hair Color:** Brown.

**Piercing:** Tried that once. Eyebrow ring. Girl in school thought it was cool. Dad… not so much.

* * *

HAVE YOU EVER...?

**Had the drink Calypso Breeze?:** Do I look gay?

**Been in love?:** Sticking to the easy questions, huh? No. I haven't. What people say in weird dreams doesn't count. And confessions when you're about to give in to an Archangel (not that way!) don't count either! Neither does stuff you say when the other person's about to sacrifice themselves. Or after you've escaped from a killer racist truck. Dammit! I said no!

**Been toilet-papering?:** Sammy and I tried that once… kinda lame. The next year we trapped a small poltergeist in an amulet and left it in the principal's office – much funnier!

**Loved somebody so much it makes you cry?:** I had something in my eye! You try standin in a cramped room with rock salt and butane!

* * *

THE FUTURE:

**School:** Something that generally happened to other people…

**Where You Want To Live:** Doesn't matter. A home would be nice, but… yeah. Really, really doesn't matter.

**How Many Kids You Want:** Kids? In a very-now-apocalyptic world? Ha! Wonder how Ben's doin…

**Girl names:** Mary, Jo, Ellen… they're nice names.

**Boy names:** Dean. What?

**What Kind Of Job You Want:** I like my job. Or I did. 9 to 5 must suck ass though!

**You Want To Get Married:** What the hell is with these pointless questions? It doesn't matter!

* * *

WHO:

**Makes You Laugh The Most:** Me. Sam just ain't funny, but the kid's an easy mark. And Cas has his moments. I like drunk Cas!

**Do You Go To For Advice or To talk About Things:** Sammy. Nobody else is around much. You're on the road long enough and eventually a bunch of chick flick crap's gonna come spewin out.

**Who Do You Hate:** Whoah, okay… list time. Angels (cept Cas), Archangels (cept Gabe, he was alright in the end – the dude got his own Casa Erotica), Lucifer (given), pretty much your standard Supernatural evil sons o bitches! And that fabric softener teddy bear… he's still on my list. This is the list: Lucifer: horsemen, Michael (Yeah, I said it!) then that damn teddy bear…

**Knows The Most About You:** Sam. Again, stuck in a car all the live long freakin day!

**Is Your Best Friend:** My brother. Oh, stop cryin Sammy!

**Has It Easier, Guys Or Girls:** I like easy girls… Wait. What was the question?

* * *

WHICH ONE?

**Croutons or Bacon Bits:** Bacon Bits. On croutons. With cream cheese.

**2 doors or 4 (on a car):** 4. Damn two door hot-hatch drivin dicks make me nuts!

**Mr. Pibb or Dr. Pepper: **Beer!

**Coffee or Ice-cream:** Ice-Cream. In coffee.

**Shampoo or Conditioner:** Conditioner don't sting my eyes.

**Bridges or Tunnels:** Tunnels. Tunnels. Defnitely tunnels. Wonder why…

**One pillow or two:** Don't care. Hittin one is rare enough.

**Adidas or Nike:** Boots. Do I look like I freakin jog?

**Nike or Reebok:** You tryin to sell me something?

**Adidas or Reebok:** Enough already!

* * *

WORD ASSOCIATION (FIRST THING THAT COMES TO MIND)

**Rock:** On!

**Green:** Witches! Seriously, they're disgusting! Fluids everywhere!

**Wet:** Willy. Sam always hated that one. It's an oldie, but a goodie…

**Cry:** Me A River you douchenozzle!

**Peanut Butter:** I'm hungry.

* * *

FAVORITES:

**Salad Dressing:** I'm not the gay brother. Over to you, Frances.

**Color of socks:** Long as you can still tell they're socks…

**Memory:** November 1st, 1983. Mom and me read Sammy a bedtime story. I got to play the characters. The kid giggled, I swear. It was cool. The next night… Yeah, we're not gonna go there…

**Toothpaste:** The kind you get at a gas station. What? You mean there's different kinds?

**Food:** Bacon-cheese burgers. God's gift to… uh…! Well, someone who loves me's gift to me!

**Song at the moment:** Carry On My Wayward Son by Kansas. Don't know why that song keeps playin in my head.

**TV show:** I'm off Dr Sexy. Getting shot by some fat loser who's wife needs a face transplant can do that to a fan. Not that I was a fan. It was a guilty pleasure!

**Toothbrush:** Had the same one for… uh… damn! Gotta get a new toothbrush.

**Subject in School:** Told you. Happened to other people. Does making-out in the storage closet count as a subject? I majored in that.

**Flower:** You gotta be kidding…

**Color:** Black. As in, Back In… As in, Impala. As in, kiss my funky!

**Non-Alcoholic Drink:** I don't understand the question.

**Sport to Watch:** Football. It makes sense. I mean, who came up with hockey, huh? No way should civilians be allowed anywhere near oversized woooden stakes and razor blades on their shoes!

**Country Song:** The person who invented Country Music's goin on my list too… right after that &^%#&^# bear…

**Sesame Street Character:** Elmo! He rocks!

**Disney Character:** Ariel, from the Little Mermaid. I'd do her. Fish or human, makes no difference… WHAT?!

**Warner Brothers:** You mean the WB? Isn't that network, like… extinct or somethin…?

* * *

RANDOM QUESTIONS

**When was your last hospital check in:** Does the Dr Sexy set count? It said Seattle Grace hospital. Had a big sign, and everythin!

**Do You Drink:** God, yes…

**How many times did you fail your permit and Drivers License Test?:** People seriously have to sit through one of those? Saps!

**Where do you see yourself in 10 years?:** Not hell, not hell, not hell, not again, not hell….

**Who is the last person that you got mail from before this one?:** Some dude tryin to sell me… well, put it this way, I think he's in hell already.

**Have you ever been convicted of a crime?:** Only on purpose. We had a job on the inside. Wasn't that bad…

**Which single store would you choose to max your credit card?: **Sharper Image. Life sized Imperial Storm Troopers! Nuff said! WHAAAT?!

**What type of car you drive now?:** My baby, the light of my life, my ange- uh… She's a 67 Chevy and she's never let me down.

**What do you do most often when you are bored?:** This. Stupid questions. Stupid Sam takin my car!

**Name the person that you are friends with that lives the farthest away from you:** I don't live anywhere. Everyone lives far away from me. Ash, maybe… Is heaven far?

**Are You In A Gang Or Club:** Tell a Hunter he's in a gang and see how long your teeth last.

**Motorcycles:** Not cool. You get wet when it rains. What's the point?

**What Is Your Favorite Kind Of Clothes:** Jeans. Jacket. Is this a trick question?

**Are You Close Minded:** In this job? That's a death sentence.

**Are You Open Minded:** Yeah. I mean, except for witches, demons, angels, zombies… Oh, shut up!

**Are You A Player:** Baby, I'm the game! And I don't mean that long-haired freak from the WWE!

**Can u be in love w/2 people at the same time?:** No. Well… I haven't been in love, so I wouldn't know. Told you, Jo and Lisa don't count. Um… did I say Jo and Lisa? I meant, Ben & Jerry's! Wait, that didn't come out right…

**Bedtime:** When we get where we're going. _Carry on my wayward son… There'll be peace when you are done… Lay your weary head to rest… Don't you cry no more… _Why is that song still stuck in my head?!

**Humiliating Moment:** Lettin that fudgin psycho gramma get the jump on me that Christmas. Musta been off my game.

**Who do you think will respond to this fastest?: **Whoever bothers to read it, so… no one.  
**  
****Who is the person you sent this to that is least likely to send back?:** Bobby. I'm bettin on the 'What the hell are you sendin me stupid stuff for, you idjit?' phone call though.

**What time is it now:** 4pm. Definitely dinner time!

**Whos most likely not gonna read this:** You know, this thing woulda been more fun if you didn't keep askin the same stupid questions over and over again. Lame!

.

**.**

**.**

* * *

Sam, Bobby, maybe Cas and some others to follow soon...


	3. Castiel

~*~

…**castiel…**

~*~

*****

**To:** Standardised Mailing List  
**CC:** AOThursday .. cherubim . org  
**Bcc: **  
**Subject: **RE: I'm bored! Gimme a break!

Dean. I do not understand.

What is the purpose of this?

Am I supposed to enter my observations?

TELL US ABOUT YOU

**What time is it?**: 16:03:21:34 pm

**Name:** I am called Castiel, once seraph of the Heavenly Host and Angel of Thursday.

**Nicknames: **I think I'm familiar with this practice – assigning colloquial names for friends. In that regard, I suppose my nickname would be Cas. It's what Dean and Sam call me.

**Parent's names:** I have but one Father, and his name is Yahweh.

**Number of candles that appeared on your last birthday cake:** In heaven, we do not have cake.

**Date that you regularly blow them out (birthday):** As I stated. No cake. Hence, no candles.

**Pets:** My vessel, Jimmy, had a goldfish once. I'm not sure if that is relevant. He had affection for this fish.

**Height:** 5' 11". 1.80 m in metric.

**Eye color:** Blue. They are not my true eyes, though, which blaze with the light of a distant sun.

**Hair Color:** Black.

**Piercing:** I find myself strangely disturbed by this reference, as I recall that day outside Jerusalem.

HAVE YOU EVER...?

**Had the drink Calypso Breeze?:** I am uncertain. There are two occasions when I've imbibed alcohol and, for whatever reason, I cannot recall exactly what I imbibed.

**Been in love?:** I have known great love for my brothers, and the creations of my Father.

**Been toilet-papering?:** Once more, I do not understand the concept. I can't derive what it is from your answer, Dean. Perhaps more detail, if you please.

**Loved somebody so much it makes you cry?:** I shed no tears.

THE FUTURE:

**School:** I was schooled by the scribes of the ages. St Paul, St John… not Luke. Luke scares me.

**Where You Want To Live:** I thought I desired a return to Paradise. But, from what I have seen, Topeka seems nice.

**How Many Kids You Want:** I am unable to bear offspring. Dean explained it to me once by making reference to a ken-doll. Like so much of what he says, I failed to comprehend the meaning.

**Girl names:** Shall I just start listing them in alphabetical order? Very well… Aadi, Aafje, Aaid, Aaliyah, Aaralyn, Ababuo, Abana, Abarne, Abbatha, Abbey, Abbie, Abby, Abej, Abeni, Abia, Abiba, Abigail, Abilene, Abra, Abrianna, Abrielle, Abrienda, Abril…

**Boy names:** Aaron, Aba, Abay, Abba, Abbot, Abdiel, Abdukrahman, Abdullah, Abdulrahman, Abe, Abednego, Abeeku, Abeeku, Abel, Abelaard, Abhay, Abie... I fear this question is utilising far too much of my time.

**What Kind Of Job You Want:** I am a messenger. I was created to be a messenger. That is what I am, and what I shall be.

**You Want To Get Married:** Do I? I thought these were questions.

WHO:

**Makes You Laugh The Most:** I rarely laugh. I am capable of feeling humour. Dean Winchester is adept at arousing such feelings of mirth.

**Do You Go To For Advice or To talk About Things:** I pray. Or, at least, I used to.

**Who Do You Hate:** I love all creation. Yes, even the Adversary, though I will endeavour to defeat him.

**Knows The Most About You:** My Father.

**Is Your Best Friend:** I don't mean to presume, but… I would like to think the Winchesters are my friends. If I'm wrong, I do apologise.

**Has It Easier, Guys Or Girls:** Has what easier?

WHICH ONE?

**Croutons or Bacon Bits:** Croutons or bacon bits what?

**2 doors or 4 (on a car):** Some cars have two, and some have four. I don't understand the question.

**Mr. Pibb or Dr. Pepper: **I don't know these people.

**Coffee or Ice-cream:** Coffee or ice-cream what?

**Shampoo or Conditioner:** Dean, this is getting silly.

**Bridges or Tunnels:** These questions are not questions at all.

**One pillow or two:** They make no sense.

**Adidas or Nike:** I find it distressing.

**Nike or Reebok:** When are the true questions starting again?

**Adidas or Reebok:** These are not names I'm familiar with. Are the Hebrew? Reebok sounds Enochian.

WORD ASSOCIATION (FIRST THING THAT COMES TO MIND): At last, a concept I can grasp.

**Rock:** Rock.

**Green:** Green.

**Wet:** Wet.

**Cry:** Cry.

**Peanut Butter:** Peanut butter.

There. That was much easier.

FAVORITES:

**Salad Dressing:** I have always found this terminology quite queer. Salad, as a bio-organic food stuff, cannot be naked. Indeed, in the garden after they sinned, Adam and Eve covered themselves with fig leaves. By that distinction, it can be quantified that salad is, in fact, clothing.

**Color of socks:** Yes. Socks have colour.

**Memory:** I have a didactic memory, or, in layman's terms, perfect recall. Except for those two occasions when alcohol somehow rendered this ability non-functional, as I mentioned on the 35th line of this email. At least I remember that there were two occasions.

**Toothpaste:** A substance used in the practice of dental hygiene. It is recommended that one practices this three times daily. I have mentioned this to Dean several times. He always responds in the same manner: "Bite me, Cas!" I do not understand what my own dental proficiency has to do with it.

**Food:** I don't eat.

**Song at the moment:** I am versed, and quite fond of the Psalms. I have always found Led Zeppelin's _Stairway to Heaven_ quite compelling as well.

**TV show:** I don't watch television. Out of curiosity, I watched an episode of The Jerry Springer Show once, and almost lost my faith in humankind, angelkind, just about everything, really…

**Toothbrush:** I refer you my response on toothpaste.

**Subject in School:** I refer you to my response under the topic 'Future', or line 50 for easy reference.

**Flower:** The Rose of Sharon.

**Color:** I am fond of tan. I do not know why.

**Non-Alcoholic Drink:** Water is fine.

**Sport to Watch:** Once, on a Mission from God, I attended a figure skating competition. I was moved.

**Country Song:** The Star Spangled Banner is this country's song.

**Sesame Street Character:** I have travelled the earth, yea from east to west, and from the north unto the south, and I have yet to alight on a place called Sesame Street. Perhaps it is in Burbank.

**Disney Character:** Isn't that the company that made the Prince of Egypt? I was there. I don't remember that much singing.

**Warner Brothers:** I am friends with the _Winchester_ Brothers.

RANDOM QUESTIONS

**When was your last hospital check in:** Two years ago I was present for the passing of an aged lady, by the name of Moira. She was surrounded by family and friends. I don't know why they kept talking about her sanity waning because she left all her money to her cat. Was the cat not a fit adjudicator?

**Do You Drink:** Since I met Dean Winchester.

**How many times did you fail your permit and Drivers License Test?:** I don't drive. I find it… confining.

**Where do you see yourself in 10 years?:** I could go check, but trips into the future are troublesome. Perhaps next time.

**Who is the last person that you got mail from before this one?:** I have only subscribed to this service recently, on the advice of Chuck Shirley. He mentioned something about 'comic relief' for his new book.

**Have you ever been convicted of a crime?:** No. I am absolved.

**Which single store would you choose to max your credit card?: **I do not own one.

**What type of car you drive now?:** You were right, Dean. These questions do, indeed, become repetitive.

**What do you do most often when you are bored?:** I am never bored.

**Name the person that you are friends with that lives the farthest away from you:** Distance has little meaning for an angel.

**Are You In A Gang Or Club:** I believe Dean once referred to us as 'Team Free Will'. I like the sound of that.

**Motorcycles:** Even worse than cars.

**What Is Your Favorite Kind Of Clothes:** I own one outfit.

**Are You Close Minded:** I was meant to be. I am not anymore.

**Are You Open Minded:** I believe I am.

**Are You A Player:** I do not engage in sport.

**Can u be in love w/2 people at the same time?:** Love need not be confined.

**Bedtime:** I require no sleep.

**Humiliating Moment:** I was once mistaken for a cupid. I could not show my face around the heavenly water cooler for months.

**Who do you think will respond to this fastest?: **Probability will suggest that it will be Sam.  
**  
****Who is the person you sent this to that is least likely to send back?:** I, too, am apprehensive about the Bobby 'idjit' call.

W**hat time is it now:** 16:32:27:59 pm.

**Who's most likely not gonna read this:** It is out there. Who knows?

.

.

.


	4. Becky

…**becky…**

**To:** All Friends  
**CC:** SamLicker81()MoreThanBrothers(.)net  
**Bcc:**  
**Subject:**RE:Re: I'm bored! Gimme a break!

--------------------------------------------  
OMG! Dean! I totally wouldn't have expected you to start this, but  
OMG SO MUCH FUN!!!!  
ME NEXT ME NEXT ME NEXT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Read this... then copy it and send it to all your friends!!  
And then back to me…you know you want 2.

TELL US ABOUT YOU

**What time is it?**: Like… 5ish…

**Name:** Becky aka Webmistress()MoreThanBrothers(.)net

**Nicknames:** My brother always called me Cacophonix! He said it was from those Asterix books, but I don't get it…

Oh, and my Chuckie-wuckie calls me Becky-boop!

I know, it's not totally like Betty-boop, but it's close and cute right?

**Parent's names:** My mom's name is Sandy, and my dad's name is Kim. (I know, weird, huh?)

**Number of candles that appeared on your last birthday cake:** You don't ask a girl that DEAN!

**Date that you regularly blow them out (birthday):** The night of my party!

Oh, that totally reminds me! You guys gotta come to my birthday party! It's themed, of course, but don't worry – the theme is you anyways! I mean, Supernatural, so just come as yourselves!

Or come as each other!

HA HA!!!! How funny would that be???

**Pets:** I have two rabbits, a snake (who won't listen and keeps going for my bunny-wunnies) and a sugar glider! That's like a type of squirrel that flies!!!!!!! How cute is that????

**Height:** Like five feet nothin really… but it's okay. Chuckie-wuckies not tall so we fit when we snuggle-wuggle…

**Eye color:** Light Green

**Hair Color:** Light brown with blonde highlights that bring out my eyes.

**Piercing:** My ears, and, uh… one teensie little other one (No telling Chucky! Except if Sam asks!)

* * *

HAVE YOU EVER...?

**Had the drink Calypso Breeze?:** They're… _awesome!!!!!!!_

**Been in love?:** Yeah! Duh! – wiv my Chuckles! And Sammy once too… but not anymore! Our counsellor said I have to stop obsessing!

**Been toilet-papering?:** Ew, gross!

**Loved somebody so much it makes you cry?:** As it said in Medusa Sparrow-Winchester's fanfiction _extravaganza! _"To love a Winchester is to have your heart broken, and have the tears come unbidden…" _She's a poet!_

* * *

THE FUTURE:

**School:** Graduated suma cum laude from Georgetown! Not a lotta people know that! Of course, it was Georgetown Iowa, but still…

**Where You Want To Live:** A white-washed little house in Kansas… just like the books! Which Chuckee said he could buy me if he can publish the rest of the books! So please, guys!!!! PLEASE!PLEASE!PLEASE!

**How Many Kids You Want:** 2 Boys! Definitely!

**Girl names:** I SAID I'M GONNA HAVE BOYS!

**boy names:** Sam and Dean! Again! DUH!

**What Kind Of Job You Want:** Actress. Everyone says I have the presence and the face for it. Or was that radio? I'm not sure.

**You Want To Get Married:** Soon as possible! No pressure honey-bun!

* * *

WHO:

**Makes You Laugh The Most:** Like, all my friends… Lovecup22, buttercupgalaxy, andiegibbs09… Those guys are Hi-Lai-Rious y'all!

**Do You Go To For Advice or To talk About Things:** My man! Or Mizu… the guru of the chatrooms!

**Who Do You Hate:** Fritz! I know he's dead and all, but seriously… if you don't like the books don't read em! And those trolls who come onto the boards with their _opinions_: "The demon storyline is trite, and overall craptastic!" DON'T READ EM!

**Knows The Most About You:** Huh…

**Is Your Best Friend:** I have many bestest friends! Brilliantdance and sswish get me though…

**Has It Easier, Guys Or Girls:** Definitely guys! Bet even Dean would cry if he had to wax! But the best parts are when they cry!.

* * *

WHICH ONE?

**Croutons or Bacon Bits:** Croutons (Gotta watch the weight!!!)

**2 doors or 4 (on a car):** 4… no 2… no 4… no….

**Mr. Pibb or Dr. Pepper: **The Doctor! Everytime I drink it, I think of that song… Let's talk about sex baby! You know the one!

**Coffee or Ice-cream:** Ice-cream… licked off a clavicle! Love that word – clavicle!

**Shampoo or Conditioner:** Conditioner! So soft… reminds of… giggle…

**Bridges or Tunnels:** Bridges! They arch!

**One pillow or two:** Two. Soft is nice… sometimes, not all the time…

**Adidas or Nike:** Neither! Ew!

**Nike or Reebok:** Same!

**Adidas or Reebok:** Same same same!!!

* * *

WORD ASSOCIATION (FIRST THING THAT COMES TO MIND) I sooooo rock at this!!!!!!!

**Rock:** Head

**Green:** Eyes… like Sammy's…

**Wet:** Spot

**Cry:** Totally the best parts!

**Peanut Butter:** Lick off clavicle! Duh! Cas, you're supposed to say the first thing comes to mind that's NOT the actual word!

* * *

FAVORITES:

**Salad Dressing:** Salad is clothing? WHAT? Ha haha French! Like lotsa french stuff!

**Color of socks:** Whiteys

**Memory:** There was this one day, and I was just, you know, writing a story, and I get this call, right? And it says Carver Edlund! I mean… OMG! Right? RIGHT?

**Toothpaste:** Minty

**Food:** Chicken salad… my man don't want no big-butt girl!

**Song at the moment:** Ramblin' On… Love Zeppelin – with you there, Cas!

**TV show:** I don't watch TV! Cept Desperate Housewives. And Ugly Betty. And Greys Anatomy! But that's it… Except for Gossip Girl! OMG I LOVE the new Melrose Place!

**Toothbrush:** It's sooo cute! It has little duckies on it!

**Subject in School:** Creative Writing! My teacher called my work… ahem… derivative! Cool, huh?

**Flower:** Lilies!

**Color:** Aquamarine! Sounds so exotic!

**Non-Alcoholic Drink:** Seltzer! Fizz fizz fizzzzzzzzz

**Sport to Watch:** Sports suck!

**Country Song:** Jesus Take The Wheel… wonder if Dean plays that in the Impala?

**Sesame Street Character:** Snuffy-wuffy!

**Disney Character:** That hyena from the Lion King with the funny laugh… he cracks me up!

**Warner Brothers:** Daffy-laffy!

* * *

RANDOM QUESTIONS

**When was your last hospital check in:** Went to see my gynae on Tuesday. Oh, Chuck-luck, she said that rash is totally normal and not to worry about it.

**Do You Drink:** Sometimes. I get a little crazy when I do… giggles…

**How many times did you fail your permit and Drivers License Test?:** Passed first time. Wore a short skirt. I know the game.

**Where do you see your self in 10 years?:** A professional writer, with my own software company.

**Who is the last person that you got mail from before this one?:** LaughIsAll sent me this LOL-worthy email about this bear that can't tell time… ROFLMAO!!!!! I mean, why would a bear need to know the time?

**Have you ever been convicted of a crime?:** That business with the restraining order doesn't count, right???

**Which single store would you choose to max your credit card?: **Amazon! It counts as a store!

**What type of car you drive now?:** A zexy lil Mini Cooper!

**What do you do most often when you are bored?:** Hit the Supernatural boards. Always somethin goin on there! We likes the Bela bashing!

**Name the person that you are friends with that lives the farthest away from you:** Joanna, my college roommate. Facebook me, biyatch!

**Are You In A Gang Or Club:** We call ourselves the Wincesters! You need a password to get in and everything. Giggle… clavicle…

**Motorcycles:** Good vibrations…

**What Is Your Favorite Kind Of Clothes:** Anything that shows off my legs, so… uh… skirts!

**Are You Close Minded:** No way! What a dumb question! Have you read my stories?

**Are You Open Minded:** To-ta-lly!

**Are You A Player:** Nope. Only one man for me!

**Can u be in love w/2 people at the same time?:** Next question!

**Bedtime:** Depends. If Chuck has cheese that night.

**Humiliating Moment:** I don't do embarrassment.

**Who do you think will respond to this fastest?: **I dunno! Let's have a RACE! YAY!!!

**Who is the person you sent this to that is least likely to send back?:** Dean, cos he started it. And why is everyone saying Bobby?

W**hat time is it now:** Still 5ish….

**Who's most likely not gonna read this:** Who wouldn't read it? It's SOOO fun!

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	5. Ash

…**ash…**

**To:** All the lemmings still crawlin round down there  
**CC:** HeavenlyMullet(at)PearlyGates(.)org  
**Bcc:**  
**Subject:**RE:Re: I'm bored! Gimme a break!

--------------------------------------------  
OMG! Dean! I totally wouldn't have expected you to start this, but  
OMG SO MUCH FUN!!!!  
ME NEXT ME NEXT ME NEXT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

_Dean! Who is this Becky chick, dude? _

_Does she know how easy it is to break a CAPS LOCK key?_

* * *

TELL US ABOUT YOU

**What time is it?**: Here…? It's all the time.. or no time… still kinda hazy on that.

**Name:** They call me Ash!

**Nicknames:** That's like, what other people call you, right? Well, in that case I've been called: Loser, Screwball, Nutjob, Bum, and… more often than not "Hey you!"

**Parent's names:** Orphaned when I was one. No, no, mama'sita don't cry fo' me. I'm in a better place!

**Number of candles that appeared on your last birthday cake:** I shoulda got a Deathday cake! But like Cas said… in Heaven, there's no cake.

**Date that you regularly blow them out (birthday):** _I was booooorn on the 4__th__ of Julllly!!!_ Nah, I'm just kiddin…

**Pets:** I had a hamster once. Was such a trip watchin the lil guy go round and round on that little wheel… Made me think, ya know? Is that like us? Goin round and round with someone outside the cage watchin us and laughin…? Now that I'm on the other side… Dude, it's scary how close I was to the truth.

**Height:** With or without takin my hair into account?

**Eye color:** Guess.

**Hair Color:** Depends on the mood. This one time, I woke up in a dumpster in Connecticut. My hair was blue. I figured, the hell with it! It's a look!

**Piercing:** Nah, man! My body is my temple! Where Budweiser worships!

* * *

HAVE YOU EVER...?

**Had the drink Calypso Breeze?:** Not on purpose, I can tell ya that much.

**Been in love?:** Ooooh… I saw this sexy Processor once! Sleekest wiring and soldering action goin' on! That baby coulda ridden me for a couple of jiggahertz!

**Been toilet-papering?:** I've been toilet-pap_ered_. Does that count?

**Loved somebody so much it makes you cry?:** You can cry in heaven, ya know that? That night after we sprung you guys, I went out, found the Heaven of this Native American dude who died like a gajillion years ago…. I sat with him on this mountain, and the stars were like novas. I told him about Ellen and Jo. About how they took care o me even when I was strung out. Yeah… I cried some that night.

* * *

THE FUTURE:

**School:** Massachussetts Institute of Technology! MIT for those yokels who don't know what I'm talkin about.

**Where You Want To Live:** I'm livin where I want to live. I got a pool table to sleep on, a fridge full o suds that restocks itself! It's like Heaven! Er… wait…

**How Many Kids You Want:** That options been taken from me, amigo.

**Girl names:** Names they give to girls.

**B****oy names:** Names they give to ugly girls.

**What Kind Of Job You Want:** I was talkin to this one angel, name o Metatron. He's like… the Voice of God! And I was tellin him, why don't we hook up a heaven-wide radio station? I could be the DJ! Can you picture it… _"Good mooooornin Paradise!"_

**You Want To Get Married:** There's this chick, two heavens over from me… it's an all-nude heaven her side. I could get with someone like that!

* * *

WHO:

**Makes You Laugh The Most:** Moses! That dude cracks me up! He does this trick, right? Where he hits this rock, and string cheese comes shootin' out! Ya gotta see it!

**Do You Go To For Advice or To talk About Things:** Oh, you know, Paul's pretty good for that. Dude can't stop teaching though. You'd think writing two thirds of the New Testament would be enough for him, but it's like yadayadayada…

**Who Do You Hate:** It's all about the love, people!

**Knows The Most About You:** Who'd want to's the real question.

**Is Your Best Friend:** Ellen and Jo. I'm gonna find em. They're up here somewhere. I know it.

**Has It Easier, Guys Or Girls:** Girls! All they gotta do to score is show up! Am I right, fellas?

* * *

WHICH ONE?

**Croutons or Bacon Bits:** Beer nuts!

**2 doors or 4 (on a car):** Never driven a car in my life… or death.

**Mr. Pibb or Dr. Pepper: **If it doesn't give you a buzz, get thee away from me!

**Coffee or Ice-cream:** Coffe flavoured ice cream.

**Shampoo or Conditioner:** See, now this question is in here on merit. It's all about the product! Too much, and you lose that flow… too little and you got no texture! Did that answer the question?

**Bridges or Tunnels:** Tunnels! Dean, I can tell you why… Freud's up here! He slipped in.

**One pillow or two:** A rack of pool balls!

**Adidas or Nike:** Commercialism's killing everyone.

**Nike or Reebok:** You think the little Honduran kids in the sweat factory care what the label is?

**Adidas or Reebok:** Reebok.

* * *

WORD ASSOCIATION (FIRST THING THAT COMES TO MIND)

**Rock:** Geology.

**Green:** Heineken.

**Wet:** Wet Wet… _I feel it in my fingers, I feel it in my toes…_

**Cry:** Chief Plays With Squirrels knows how to comfort a fella during a good cry session.

**Peanut Butter:** Jello!

* * *

FAVORITES:

**Salad Dressing:** Meat.

**Color of socks:** Socks are for sissies who can't stand the smell.

**Memory:** Oh, I got this one when I first popped up here. I remember, I'd just gotten my first modem. It was that five minute period it took for the jpeg to load Pam Anderson's bust line.

**Toothpaste:** A good beer first thing'll clean ya right up.

**Food:** Anythin that comes free in a wicker basket on a bar.

**Song at the moment:** Bon Jovi's _Blaze of Glory_! Coz I totally did go out like that!

**TV show:** Okay, if I got one complaint, it's the TV channels up here. Five day marathons of Barney the Dinosaur? You gotta be kiddin' me! Hey, you overstuffed douchebag, I got a remix for ya: _I hate you, you hate me, Barney gave him HIV! Got a rifle, shot him in the head, now the purple bastard's dead!_

That probably happened, which explains why he's up here pissin me off!

**Toothbrush:** Bottle opener.

**Subject in School:** I liked art. I liked painting nudes.

**Flower:** Tumbleweeds.

**Color:** Plaid.

**Non-Alcoholic Drink:** Don't ask stupid questions.

**Sport to Watch:** Midget rodeo! Funniest thing on ear– uh… in heav– uh… Anyway, it's funny!

**Country Song:** Achey Breaky Heart! How's Billie Ray doin, btw? I hear his daughter's getting hot!

**Sesame Street Character:** Little known fact… they're all in hell!

**Disney Character:** Ditto.

**Warner Brothers:** We got Bugs Bunny, but only coz the demons runnin the show couldn't stand him.

* * *

RANDOM QUESTIONS

**When was your last hospital check in:** Does a crematorium count? How whack is that? I died in a supernatural fire, and I still got cremated. Talk about overkill!

**Do You Drink:** Ha ha ha ha ha!!!!! HA ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!!!!!!!!! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**How many times did you fail your permit and Drivers License Test?:** I aced the test, just never bothered to drive.

**Where do you see your self in 10 years?:** Told you, time works differently here. Ten years from now could be before I finish this stupid email!

**Who is the last person that you got mail from before this one?:** We get these stupid notices like all the time, from The Angel Network. (Whatever you do, _don't_ believe anything about Oprah's Angel Network. The guys ganked the Whore of Babylon, but the Whore of Chicago's still out there!) Anyways… these emails, they say things like: 'Have A Blessed Day'! I mean… DUH! I'm in heaven! What other kinda day am I gonna have?

**Have you ever been convicted of a crime?:** Hacking is not a crime! I don't care what a jury of my so-called peers says!

**Which single store would you choose to max your credit card?: **We got this one store, it's called, I kid you not, Halo-Mart! That place is epic! You can buy a harp that plays Johnny Cash!!!!!!

**What type of car you drive now?:** Again with the cars! What petrolhead wrote this thing?

**What do you do most often when you are bored?:** I drink until it's over.

**Name the person that you are friends with that lives the farthest away from you:** Heaven's closer than you think, Deano… Bwahahaha! Specially for you Winchesters! Jeez, take a self-defense class, why don't ya?

**Are You In A Gang Or Club:** Nope. I'm a lone wolf.

**Motorcycles:** Horses for modern day retards!

**What Is Your Favorite Kind Of Clothes:** Whatever the hel– uh… whatever the heaven's been cleaned in the last coupla weeks.

**Are You Close Minded:** All our minds are closed, man! To the truth! Mulder's been tryin to tell you for years, but nobody wanted to listen!

**Are You Open Minded:** I've been de-Scullied!

**Are You A Player:** Depends on the game. Either way, er… no.

**Can u be in love w/2 people at the same time?:** Just once would be nice.

**Bedtime:** You mean pass out-time?

**Humiliating Moment:** One day, Jo, she just decided to come in to clean the bathroom without knocking! It was her fault!

**Who do you think will respond to this fastest?: **Sam.

**Who is the person you sent this to that is least likely to send back?: **Zachariah. Sent it to the douche as a joke! HAHAHA!

**W****hat time is it now:** Look, it'll take more time than the universe can contain to explain the way time works here, okay? Read Stephen Hawking and pretend that's an explanation. It's not, but pretend anyway.

**Who's most likely not gonna read this:** Bobby.

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End file.
